I don’t usually write direct coaching articles because they are often not even read, along the lines of “Oh, not another self-help lecture” or “Oh, more truisms”. Admittedly, that’s usually the case and, to be honest, some things really are as simple as they are. We often don’t at- tach any importance to these simple things because we don’t perceive them or think that they can’t achieve anything. But maybe this approach isn’t always beneficial, or have you never been driven crazy by a mosquito at night? The mosquito is small and tiny, but it can ruin your night.
Welcome to my world of approaches and basic assumptions.
The first question asked in the age of physical and mental self-optimization is: Do I need a goal?
This question alone is not a good approach. Because what is this need? I need a roof over my head, something to wear, something to eat and, of course, health. I already have everything I need to survive. So is the answer to the above question: Yes, I need a goal to survive? And does this type of question and answer encourage me to take active and creative action to start something new with my life? That’s about the same as the ever-popular affirmation: “I want to get rich.” Or the question: “Why am I not rich?” Or: “Why do I always have bad luck?” Do these questions get your brain thinking in terms of solutions? No? Then maybe it’s be- cause these questions or affirmations are too vague. The brain, because of its plasticity, wants to be challenged; it wants to be, let’s say, moved. The brain is a muscle in the broa- dest sense and it needs to be used, if not with weights, then with weighty questions. General questions tend to put the brain into stand-by mode. There is nothing to do. These stand-by- mode people then live day in and day out in the same rut without developing further. For some people, this is certainly very pleasant. However, that is not the meaning of life. And that is growth, no matter in which direction, be it in the direction of having more children, becoming wiser or leaving some other footprint on this planet. Plants grow beyond themselves every day and animals enrich nature every day as well. Everything is growth. Otherwise, pla- net Earth would perish.
So the quality of your questions determines the quality of your life. A question that is beneficial for the brain would therefore be: Do I have a goal? And if the answer is no, then the question arises: What do I want to achieve/achieve in my life or what goal do I want to achieve? The question: Why not? Would not be expedient. This makes us think in the wrong direction, backwards, instead of forwards.
Asking the right question gets our thinking machine going. Congratulations.
The question of whether you need to have a goal at all is obsolete, because we have goals that we want to achieve every day. They’re just more inconspicuous. For all office workers, the goal would be to survive until lunch, to enjoy the afterwork with whoever, or to plan the next vacation, if you need something like that at all. Perhaps the goal is to buy new clothes and lose weight to fit into them, or to meet friends. These are all smaller goals that we set ourselves every day. So anyone who claims that people don’t need goals is wrong, because we are designed to have goals, in the form of dreams/wishes, because otherwise we couldn’t survive. So if we didn’t have the goal of being able to buy food by pursuing a profitable activity, we would have to starve. The quality of your goals also determines the quality of your life.
The goal must also be big enough. In the coaching training, I also learned that the goal must be achievable for you. I have rejected this approach because I do not consider it proven. There are many examples, including from my personal environment, where people had a goal, did not achieve it, but someone else found it and realized the goal in the next genera- tion by continuing the work. So why should I limit my goals and therefore myself? Even work- ing towards them is already a step in the right direction. Or should humanity now simply stop researching how to use the energy of the entire planet because it cannot reach level 1 on the Kardaschow scale in this generation anyway? Should projects started by researchers simply be shelved because they won’t live to see them? That’s nonsense. So set your goals high enough, even if they have to span generations. Humanity has only developed in this way and will continue to do so. In any case, the goals should be awe-inspiring. It doesn’t have to be the flight to Mars. For example, I once wanted to be on stage at the Herkulessaal in Munich. Over 2,000 spectators. Creepy.
Yes, I was standing up there, at the front of the choir, at the microphone. Mission accomplished. With this choir, but even bigger, I also went live for the Guinness World Records as the largest choir in Europe. Yes, I was standing there at the front with the precentors on the stage in the Olympic Hall and also coached the initiator and artist who had set this goal in his head and was looking for singers throughout Germany. With an enthusiastic team, the goal was achieved. Was it easy? No. Was it a lot of work? Answer: If you want to test whether you can live without sleep… Because you can only rehearse a choir like this in groups if you can’t afford the Olympic Hall in Munich every day. And then people travel hundreds of kilometers to take part in the rehearsals or the world record at- tempt. You don’t make any money from it. It’s about the goal. No matter what it costs. Despite all the critics. That’s what a goal should look like.
Set your goals high enough and the circumstances will align with your goals. Mahatma Gandhi
However, we don’t just set off with the goal alone. Why not? Because we live in a comfort zone. Our brain is trimmed to energy-saving mode, which is logical, because otherwise we would probably constantly overwhelm ourselves. So we live with automatisms and certain routines. The automatisms such as breathing, heartbeat, etc. are controlled by the medulla oblongata (brain stem), for example, because otherwise we would have to make sure that we breathe even when we are sleeping. The thalamus is also the control center for sensory impressions. This is located above the brain stem. When we see, smell or hear something, the information about it first has to pass through the thalamus. That is why the thalamus is often referred to as the “gateway to consciousness”. It functions like a kind of filter and determines which stimuli are allowed in at all. This helps it to avoid overloading the brain. The cerebellum controls the coordination of movements. However, it is also involved in the regulation of emotions and in our sense of balance. It is divided into three sub-areas, each of which has different tasks in relation to movement regulation. We could go through all the areas of the brain and keep coming across automatic processes that we do not have to consciously control. As already mentioned, this would otherwise simply overwhelm us. Brain research assumes that our brain works unconsciously up to 95%. So it is only 5% that we can consciously control. And this includes, for example, consciously controlling habits or consciously setting goals. Quite a small amount that we can influence and yet we find it difficult. Why is that?
If we want to achieve a goal, we have to step out of our comfort zone. However, our thinking apparatus is in energy-saving mode. So we have to bypass this energy-saving mode. In short, the goal alone is not enough to overcome the saving mode.
Elon Musk once said, if you’re not working towards a goal, it’s not important enough to you. And he continued, “If something is important enough, even if the odds are against you, you should still do it.” He hits the nail on the head with that one. I have to be passionate about it and really want it. Remember my personal example with the choir? That’s how it should feel, even if it cost me my last penny and I dropped dead from exhaustion. It doesn’t matter. Or take Andrea Stroppa. He camped out on the street outside SpaceX for three months in all kinds of weather to get a hug from Elon Musk. He had used the full range of social media.
Did he get his hug? Yes, with his unconditional will. Have you ever experienced or done something like that? Maybe as a child? It is enough if you evoke exactly this feeling. It is stored in the limbic system. I promise you can get it back, this unconditional will. That is the key or, as I see it, your rocket fuel to launch the rocket to Mars.
Counterexample: half-hearted things will never be implemented – full stop. Need an example? How about New Year’s resolutions? Most resolutions for the new year are still virgin in December and can be reused immediately. That’s why the motivation has to be right. I want to achieve it at all costs. You need role models? I’m a fan of Karl Lagerfeld. He didn’t care about conventions and just went for it. Even in his statements, he didn’t care what people thought of him. He wanted to create timeless fashion. Let’s stick with fashion. How about Coco Chanel? A woman in a male domain creates elegant fashion for everyday wear. What a break in style at the time. How about Maye Musk? A woman conquers prêt-à-porter and walks the catwalk in Milan at the age of 76. At 50, she reimagined her life and broke with the convention of age. How about Elon Musk? He wants to make humanity multi-planetary and go to Mars. Did he make it? Yes. Why, he wasn’t even there yet? As Ralph Waldo Emerson said so beautifully: As soon as you have made a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. Or to put it more simply, mind rules matter. Thoughts are energy and energy will al- ways want to materialize, provided the goal is concrete and the appropriate emotions are present.
Want an example? Ever thought about someone you haven’t seen in a long time and the phone rings and it’s that person? Have you ever made the decision to quit your job to do something else and then quit the job and suddenly the door to another world opens? Dear reader, I can hear you thinking that this is esotericism or coincidence. I could now take a big leap in the direction of quantum research and prove it with the latest research results that this is not esotericism, but that would be going too far at this point. I’ll save that for a follow-up article. I’d rather respond with Frederico Fellini’s statement: “The only true realist is the visionary.”
Short summary: You need a goal, no matter how big, and an absolute will. Is that enough? No, still not. Remember the energy-saving mode? What if I stumble or somehow lose my glo- wing motivation due to various circumstances. A match also burns enthusiastically at the be- ginning, but then eventually loses its strength because the path to the goal can be very long. How can I bridge that gap? Answer: Through habits. These help us to keep going, even if circumstances cause our bio-suit to want to switch to energy-saving mode.
Just by setting a goal, you leave your comfort zone. That means stress. Even more stress if you despair and things go too slowly or setbacks happen. The book “Make Your Bed” by McRaven is a good example of how to establish habits. In contrast to goals, which cannot be big enough, habits should be established in small chunks. Why? The energy-saving mode must be bypassed. And there shouldn’t be too many habits that I want to establish. Getting up at 4 a.m., jogging for an hour and then working on the plan for an hour are a nice idea. On day 2 at the latest, getting up will fail if you prefer to get up at 7 a.m. You can’t do everything at once. So it’s better to get up 10 minutes earlier every day. Or 5 minutes earlier. If you like to use the snooze button, then put your phone or whatever you use to wake up in the kitchen next to the coffee machine so that you have to get up. Then you’ll be awake and less likely to go back to bed. If you want to go jogging, then have your clothes ready. In short, create an environment that makes saying no impossible. Start small with your daily goals and increase them slowly so that it feels easy, without stress. If you want to go jogging but have never done it before, start with just a few minutes.
Why? It has to still be fun tomorrow, your motiva- tion has to still be there tomorrow. If you push yourself too hard, you’ll be better off staying in bed the next morning. It’s better to start with 2-5 minutes and slowly increase the time. When I started training to be a Pilates instructor on the equipment, alongside my full-time job, and had to train myself up to the challenge level, I was often on the verge of giving up because the exercises at the upper level are very challenging. One of my teacher trainers told me that it was better to do the exercise three times honestly, even if it didn’t work out, than to give up. And to do it over and over again. Giving up is not an option. Did it work? Yes! My body cooperated because my mindset was right and I had people around me who believed that I could do it even when it didn’t look like it at all. By the way, it’s always good to be in touch with people, no matter who, who believes in you, even if you don’t. That helps when your courage wanes.
What else helps? Use the time in the shower to stretch or the time brushing your teeth to set up the plan for the day, which should be possible in 3 minutes. It won’t cost you a second of lost time and will help you get ahead.
Do it for at least 30 days and a habit is in you. Then take on the next habit. At the latest then it starts to be fun.
Why? You have already successfully established the first habit. So you are already motivated to establish the next habit because of the success. Take this energy boost with you to the next small goal. And it will happen faster.
Similar to learning a language. Those who grew up bilingual are lucky. However, if you manage to learn at least two languages yourself, learning any other language will be easier. Why? You know how it works and have a certain feeling for what language is, especially if it comes from the same language area, such as Portuguese, Spanish and Italian. Besides, you know that you can learn the language quickly. You are motivated. It works similarly with every other habit. Oh, by the way, languages are usually taught in small portions and you don’t have to memorize 100 or more words every day. Would that encourage you to continue? Certainly not.
In case you find it too slow. Just calculate how much time you will save if you stick with it every day for a whole year, 365 days. Don’t you think that you will get closer to your goal in that time and that it is therefore worth sticking with it? By the way, the more practice you get, the faster it goes. It’s like the famous compound interest effect. The only thing that matters is that you move forward, towards your goal, and have fun doing it.
What else do I need? Well, a certain plan. One of my personality coaches said that the plan has to be pretty precise, so with a daily plan, weekly plan, monthly plan, yearly plan and at least a 7-year plan. You know the question: Where do you want to be in 10 years? My not very polite and anti-mainstream answer: How should I know if I’m still alive then? I have a goal and a certain structure for how I get there and start walking. Planned economy only makes sense to a certain extent. According to the motto: it’s better to start imperfectly than to fail perfectly. So question this train of thought again yourself. Successful people tell us that some things were never planned. Elon Musk never planned to become CEO or a billionaire. It was just the way circumstances turned out. But he had a goal and worked towards it, follo- wing the motto: Follow your dreams, they know the way. Well, in a way, he too will have a plan of what to do. If I want to start a company, there are certain prerequisites that I need. It won’t work without a plan or without supporters. However, I don’t think a plan that is worked out in detail makes sense.
Most people get caught up in the details and then lose sight of the big picture and thus their motivation. A structure with milestones in the right direction and a to-do list is much more effective. As Maye Musk said so beautifully: “Make a plan. And if it doesn’t work, make a new plan.” Exactly, and now imagine you’ve spent weeks creating a 7- year plan and have also detailed it down to a monthly or weekly plan, or worse, a daily plan. This is almost like in public service, a complete waste of time, because something will always come up. I promise.
Finally, it is important to surround yourself with people who are moving in your direction, who have already reached their goal or who simply need to know. It is also important never to stop being curious and learning. Mentors are a good approach, as are personal trainers.
Nevertheless, it is advisable to question things as I have done. Even mentors or trainers don’t know everything and, however good they are, they may be a bit set in their ideas and thinking. That’s why it makes sense to attend various seminars in addition to personal development by reading books, because different perspectives often lead to new ideas that will help you achieve your goal. Also, ask yourself whether all the information you receive makes sense to you.
Life is like a huge supermarket. Decide for yourself what you can use. But don’t buy useless things just because they look good on your CV.
Unterhaching, Oktober 2024 Nancy Stork